turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
