Already got asked if we're dating
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize