Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
