I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How's work?
Spinning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
