went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
