Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
foreskin is a definite game changer
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
