Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
