Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
