That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
