i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
