Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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