I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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