i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
