be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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