yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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