If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
