doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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