I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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