Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
