At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
