I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
