Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have surprise drugs for everyone
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
