the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
