She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
