There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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