I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
