Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
