you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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