mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
