i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
