At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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