I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
