Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
