The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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