but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
