Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
