Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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