don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
