He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh god it's open bar.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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