so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
