I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
