Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
