I'm so fucking centered right now
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
