I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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