Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
