You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
