I faked an abortion last night.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
