He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
