i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
