i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
