i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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