Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize