pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
