1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you didnt know i had herpes?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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