so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
