Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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