i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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