I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
