So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
