all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
