we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So squirting runs in the family.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
