She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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