Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
