dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
