Michael Bay diarrhea
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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