I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
