Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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