Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
