Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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