Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize