I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
