I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Couch. On fire.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
