she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
