you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I fill condoms, not promises.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
