it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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